so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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