Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
