the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
