Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
