"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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