I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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