He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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