I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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