I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This is the high leading the old right now
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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