I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
