you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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