You're completely useless in the revolution.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
