Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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