On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
