this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I came so hard my ears popped.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
