Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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