Tell her she can't have a vagina
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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