I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
