He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
