did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
