he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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