Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
