Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
