My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
