Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
