I never want to see another naked old woman again.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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