The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
