Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
