Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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