Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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