guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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