I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
