I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
