I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
