So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
