I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
