He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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