He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The beer is more important than you right now.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
