glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
