Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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