Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
