i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
