Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
