There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
