I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
