That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
