do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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