i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
