That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
