Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
