I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't deserve a penis
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
