we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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