I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Send help, water and tortillas.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
