i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i love accidental penises.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
