I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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