Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
