Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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