You can't special order awesome
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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